trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
