i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
