Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
