I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just invented taco cereal.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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