Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
