So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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