Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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