Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
