You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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