i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
