Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
