Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
