I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
