dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
