At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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