Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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