his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
