Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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