so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
