Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
