I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
