How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
