this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
