i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
