While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
