Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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