Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
