Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
