and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
