I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
