I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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