Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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