we made out on top of his cat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
