I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I am available for nakedness
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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