UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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