she woke up with a sticky ear
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
