the new term for farting is butt boxing.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
