WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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