my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
