she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
