this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
