While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
