I'm really into asian looking animals
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
