the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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