Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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