I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
