Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i think i just lost a toe
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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