My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How external is "for external use only"?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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