i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
