Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
