I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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